She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
