I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
