and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
As shirtless as possible
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
But break dance skills will only take you so far
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
