You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
