I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
