Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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