Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I AM VODKA MAN
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize