Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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