You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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