This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
