I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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