How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
