Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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