none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
