you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
