so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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