why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
