dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
His nipple licking is glorious
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