you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
