Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Pooping to opera.
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