Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
not ubering you a puppy
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
