Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
