Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I will be naked everywhere
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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