2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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