Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
