I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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