I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize