Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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