Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
