i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
