I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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