Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
