Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
