90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
