can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My balls are so social today.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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