I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
