Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
