Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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