I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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