I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
