if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
