I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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