I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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