Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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