Well apparently he's into motor boating.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
