It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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