Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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