You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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