At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
