Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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