There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
