I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
