JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it's like heaven, but drunker
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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