she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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