You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
