some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
