Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
