i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
