I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
