PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it wasn't lemon gatorade
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
