sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
