haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
