it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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