That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
