I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
