her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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