Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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