She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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