This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
