first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
